My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
