They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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