Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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