Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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