It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
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Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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