good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
