I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
