All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
