I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
