I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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