The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
