ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
