you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
