Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
