You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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