Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
