ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
