its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
