if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
