College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
