The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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