I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
