Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Never underestimate the power of titties
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
