she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
