forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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