so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
