I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
