I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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