Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
