somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
