Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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