Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
