I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
