She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
