If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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