My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
