just come out here and I will go home with you...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
