I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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