Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
