I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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