My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
