I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That accounts for only three of the penises
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
