I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
