Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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