I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
