I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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