I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
