he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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