I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
