And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
