i think my mom watched the whole time
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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