I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
