Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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