Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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