I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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