cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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