Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
