at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
