it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
