I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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