So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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