I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
