Screwed.edu
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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