Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
